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I've asked her these questions and she said she doesn't feel comfortable because she's living at her parents' house. This I don't particularly understand as I used to live with my parents and I for sure found subtle, covert ways to masturbate. I had girlfriends and I found ways to have sex. It's not like her parents have a small house either. They live on a 1. 2 acre estate with a guest house and everything. She has her own private room she can lock the door to. She also said she doesn't find virtual things exciting (which is in contradiction to what she said the first time she went to Florida). How can she not be excited to do things with me virtually if she claims to be excited to do them in person? It's not like she's tired of "doing all the work" either. She prefers to be the more…submissive one. So I did most of the talking / typing when we did do anything virtual the first quarantine. It just seems so contradictory to want sex 3-4 times a week in person but then be completely unaffected by the absence of sex when we are long distance.
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To preface, I (22M) don't have a dead bedroom in the same sense as most of you, but I am hoping to get some advice and hear from any of your similar experiences. I met my fiancé (22F) over a year ago in at our university, the University of Maryland. We hit it off instantly and have had an absolutely wonderful relationship with only the small, normal hiccups here and there. She lived in an apartment off campus (but close, walking distance) and I lived on campus in an apartment. I proposed on our 1 year anniversary a few months ago. When we first met, we would have sex 1-2 times a week, depending on how often we could hang out due to our work and school schedules (we both had to work our way through college). There was a bigger hiccup in this part of our relationship than in others, as we have different love languages and I have some self-esteem issues which, combined with her different love language, made it hard to "perform" / be intimate. Communicating our feelings and questions lead us to have what I think has been the best sexual relationship of my life.
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She also agreed with me that it was hot/exciting doing these things together (though she never initiated). During this current semester, there has been no intimacy at all. Each time we text / FaceTime we talk about our days and then just browse reddit together or watch something on Netflix. We will do this until we go to bed. She has not once asked for pictures, sent pictures, asked or sent erotic texts, or otherwise indicated she misses being intimate or that she's in the mood. I, on the other hand, continually try to initiate and do something together, but she usually shuts it down and says she doesn't want to. Even more passive things that give her the opportunity to do something she will steer well clear of (e. g. If she stands up during FaceTime and her shirt clings tightly to her body I'll make a face indicating I'm enjoying what I'm seeing. She responds with "no no no, get your head out of the gutter". Another example would be I made a joke about something looking like a sex toy and she responds with "no, you're just acting up").
So she's been living in Florida since the middle of August. It's been tough being away so frequently, but for the most part we are getting through. She has a lot of free time now that she doesn't work. This brings us to the point of the post. When she moved to Florida (both spring semester and the current semester) it's as if any sexual desire of hers has ceased existing. We both have similar libidos – she has said she thinks the ideal frequency is 3-4 times a week while I could be intimate 4-5 times a week. Not a big difference and I could take care of myself the rare times she isn't in the mood. When she moved to Florida all flirting, interaction, and apparent desire to be sexually intimate, etc had vanished from her side. The first time she lived in Florida I would ask if she wanted to do phone sex, send pictures, send erotic texts, send videos, FaceTime and be self-intimate together, etc. She agreed occasionally but only after I initiated / prompted. This was maybe once every 2 weeks.
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I miss her, I miss being intimate with her. The apparent lack of reciprocity of these feelings makes me question our intimate times in person. Is she just having sex because she knows I want it? She clearly enjoys sex with me, so what gives? She has also said doing things by herself doesn't feel the same. Like…obviously? Sex will always be god tiered compared to self-help. But that doesn't mean I don't want to do self-help together! If Starbucks decided to shut down entirely during quarantine, I'd rather drink the piss water at a gas station occasionally than completely give up coffee for months and months. I brought this up to my therapist and he thinks it might be repressed religious guilt as she was brought up in a very religious, Mormon family. I brought this up to her and at first she said it was not applicable to her, but now she's not so sure. She's not very vocal with compliments / saying what she likes about my body / what she finds attractive about me, so having sex was basically all I had to base her attraction to me off of.
I want to be clear I understand people have boundaries and some activities are just not for everyone. I get that. But if she's not ok with pictures, what about FaceTime dates? If not that, what about sending erotic texts? Or something she IS comfortable with? We have talked about this a few times, both the first time she went to Florida and currently. She basically said she doesn't feel comfortable doing anything virtually. At first I understood, but then I kept thinking about it, and many of the options were not particularly risqué or risky to participate in. Another thing I thought of was does she not miss being intimate? Does she not have a desire to be? Does she not get horny even when I'm not there? She says she does and that she can somehow ignore these feelings by thinking "we will have the rest of our lives for that". Sure, but what about right now? Why ignore those feelings and desires when we could do things together? You said last quarantine you thought FaceTime dates were hot, what happened to that?
My fiancé works as an EMT and has the entirety of our relationship. Fast forward to this past March. COVID hit while she was on spring break visiting her parents who live in Florida (I stayed in MD). Due to her profession she was clearly stressed to the moon about her job and being safe. She tried to keep working and going to school but, thankfully for her, her parents told her she could live with them in Florida rent free during quarantine while she finished the spring semester virtually. This killed me as we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase, but we decided to FaceTime every day and spend time together that way. We made the best out of what there was. When the semester ended (after 3 months of quarantine) she decided she wanted to live with me in my Maryland apartment during the summer as my roommate had left and we would have my whole place to ourselves. For this current semester, our school went back to online learning, so she didn't want to keep working as an EMT and risk getting COVID when she could move back to Florida and do school virtually from there.
